numb

in the past 30 days, i've had about 3 emotional breakdowns or meltdowns
and that's 3 too many

i.dont.do.breakdowns

this semester is really taking its toll on me

it's bad enough that i have to carry my own weight
but now, i'm carrying other people's burden as well

i dont know if my fragile frame can take it
its getting harder to breathe

all i want to do when i get home is to sleep
sleep it allllllllllllll off
temporarily escape
away from all the mess

but no, that was not meant to be
there is no such thing as escape

i've got work to do
though a different kind of work
but work i did
its unbearable. but nonetheless necessary

in the past 48 hours, i have slept for only 4 hours
my head's spinning like a top
any time now, it'll explode into a million tiny pieces


eventually, u break





and when u break. u pick urself up

u glue ur broken shattered pieces back together


u look urself hard in the mirror
and u say "suck it up. deal with it"

u take a few mins to compose urself
breathe in. breathe out. breathe in. breathe out

u numb urself so that u can hardly feel anything
u put ur mask on so that people'll think ur okay

and u crack a fake smile

and u walk out that door as the same person that walked in

minus all the emotional mess



again,
i.dont.do.breakdowns.