Blast from the past

I've no idea what had gotten into me. But I decided to check out ye 'olde blog. Scrolling to the posts I can't help but remember the music I listened to back then, the feelings I felt while I was writing, my state of mind at the time. Granted, some posts are just cringe-worthy and you kinda wish you didn't write it. lol

I guess that was the whole purpose of having a blog. To go back one day and think about what you've done, how you felt, where you were and where you are now, how much have you changed, have you made a difference..?

Big questions, difficult answers. How does one measure these kind of things? The traditional way would be the typical checkbox: married, kids, house, job? Shouldn't the better form of measurement be how you feel instead? Happy, content, grateful, excited, challenged..?

Then again, why do we have the need to "measure" anyway? To compare with someone else? To compare with your former self?

Why am I suddenly being philosophical is beyond me. Especially when I had just spent 3 hours playing dota. lol

Maybe I'll revisit here every now and then. Putting the proverbial pen to paper is nice sometimes.

not for me

you'd think that a house is a home.
and a home would be where the heart lies.
where the heart yearns to be.


not for me.

Music for the Soul

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

But I think music - with or without lyrics - is worth a thousand pictures.



Right now, there's this song that says so much about me, more than I can ever say about myself. Telling my story as if it were his own.

An Awful Thing To Lose

It's been a while.

A really, really, loooong while since I last updated my blog.

the fingers feel awkward to type the contents of the heart and mind after so long.

but a recent event ( =P ) has forced made me look back at this ol' neglected blog.

and, truth be told, I'm glad I did.



memories are an awful thing to lose

memories, and relationships. XD

The Government Misconception

"I think we have gone through a period when too many children and people have been given to understand "I have a problem, it is the Government's job to cope with it!" or "I have a problem, I will go and get a grant to cope with it!" "I am homeless, the Government must house me!" and so they are casting their problems on society and who is society? There is no such thing! There are individual men and women and there are families and no government can do anything except through people and people look to themselves first. It is our duty to look after ourselves and then also to help look after our neighbour and life is a reciprocal business and people have got the entitlements too much in mind without the obligations."

-Margaret Thatcher

September 1987.

True.


The government does not exist to serve you, to feed you, to house you.
You yourself are responsible for your well-being.
Understand this before you cast your ballot in the next General Election.

FRIENDS

"Good friends are really hard to find

They gotta be there for you, even when you're wrong.

But at the same time, they cant just tell you what you wanna hear.

They've also gotta be willing to tell you what you need to hear."

Here I have the quote from a newfound favorite tv show of mine - Happy Endings
Really hilarious tv show! Just like the timeless Friends. =D

I just wanna say that I appreciate having u all in my life. and that I miss u guys dearly
weii kenapa aku emosional ni!?!? XD

By the way,
I seriously think we should get another guy in our group. biar balance sket. Asik aku and sudu je.
hahaha

like whoa

You look at me and call me oppressed, 

Simply because of the way I'm dressed, 

You know me not for what's inside, 

You judge the clothing I wear with pride, 

My body is not for your eyes to hold, 

You must speak to my mind, not my feminine mould, 

I'm an individual, I'm no mans slave, 

It's Allah's pleasure that I only crave, 

I have a voice so I will be heard, 

For in my heart I carry His word, 

"O ye women, wrap close your cloak, so you won't be bothered by ignorant folk", 

Man doesn't tell me to dress this way, 

It's a law from God that I obey, 

Oppressed is something I'm truly NOT, 

For liberation is what I've got, 

It was given to me many years ago, 

With the right to prosper, the right to grow, 

I can climb mountains or cross the seas, 

Expand my mind in all degrees, 

For God Himself gave us LIB-ER-TY, 

When He sent Islãm, 

To You and Me!

i read this in a youtube video's description and thought that I had to share it.
even though it's mostly about women wearing the hijab and covering theirselves
its a pretty powerful piece, in my opinion.

the said youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HV5HEC53HxA&feature=related

The Mask

the face that you see is a mask

a million and each with a task

a question that u need not ever ask

is when will you see me unmask

Look Down On Me

Never have my ego been this badly bruised

Never have my confidence been this badly shattered

This blood boils in anger

This head fuming with hate

2 options lay in front of me

To walk the high road 

or the low road

All the nasty and terrible words that were never shy to me, not one left the tip of my tongue

Furious as I was, I was in control.

Calm.

There is no need to step down to your level.

For I am a better person than you are.

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I will burn bright.

Mark my words, I will be successful

the breakfast club

 i cant believe i just watched a movie that was released 25 years ago. 5 years before i was even born!

a brilliant movie about 5 kids from different cliques - a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal.

though society may dictate that these 5 people can never be friends, but on one fine saturday, they proved everybody wrong.

comparing a princess with a criminal is like comparing the sky and the seas. they're so far apart and totally different, they're not even in the same category. they're kinda incomparable. and that goes with the other cliques as well. though the athlete and the princess do sort of belong together. and the criminal and the basket case are similar in terms of being outsiders. but that's about it.

the premise of the movie is that even though they are so different, deep deep down, they're more or less the same.
they discover that they've all been through the same shit as everybody else have.
same daddy issues
they've all been ignored
been objectified
money problems
peer pressure? u bet.

so let us not be so quick to judge one another. we're pretty much the same, folks.
we're all screwed one way or another.
its just a matter of how good we are at hiding it.

guess which one's the brain, the athlete, the princess, the basket case and the criminal.

so where do i fit in with these 5 groups?
i'm definitely not an athlete.
not so much of a criminal.
sure as hell not a princess.
a basket case? well..maybe a little bit
a brain? most definitely. if i do say so myself. =P


how about u?

a traumatic experience

people who are familiar with me should know that i am not one easily frightened or spooked or shocked

i dont go running kicking n screaming everytime i see a cockroach
certain things that ppl find scary, i find it amusing

so, to say that I was somewhat "traumatized" is seriously saying something dowhh

NOT.KIDDING.

this is gonna be a pretty(when i say pretty, i mean way-so-damn-freaking-gile) long.
You Have Been Warned!

so it all started like this...

9.30pm: just finished working/volunteering at YouthFest '10 at PWTC. i didnt have a ride home, so had to take public transportation (gahhh)..so the plan was to take the Ampang Line LRT from PWTC to Masjid Jamek. then walk from Masjid Jamek to Pasar Seni. its like a 700m walk. i couldve taken the Kelana Jaya Line LRT at Masjid Jamek to Pasar Seni, but that wouldve cost me RM1.20..hahaha u ppl should know what a cheapskate i am.. XD

so i decided to walk to pasar seni..but first, needed to get small change cuz all i have are rm50 and rm10 notes..and sometimes bus drivers give u hard time if u dont pay with small bills....zzzz

so i went to the 7eleven store as soon as i got out of the masjid jamek station. took a piece of bread(bun) yg harga 60cents tu and asked the 7eleven guy out loud whether they had change or not.

now thats where it all (almost) went wrong...

as i opened my wallet to check my money, i noticed the guy queuing in front of me looking at me n checking the contents of my wallet and the 2 bags that i was carrying.

*side note: i was carrying a sling bag and a free woven bag full of free stuff. both bags were quite full.

i was like "wtf?!?! why are you looking at me like that"(i didnt say this out loud laa). but of course i didnt wanna offend him. maybe he was just curious about where i came from n how i got all those stuff (i was wearing the free youthsay volunteer tshirts). so i just ignored him and paid for my 60cent bun with my rm10 note.

i got out of the shop and wanted to go right. but then i noticed that that guy(queuing in front of me) was there and was like hanging around there. i felt even more suspicious. the walkway was kinda dark and there werent alot of ppl around. a perfect setting for a horror/thriller movie.

against my better judgement and ignoring my instincts, i turned right cuz it was the faster way to go to pasar seni).

he saw me, and stopped me 5meters from the 7eleven shop. and the dialog went something like this;

org gila: wei nak mintak tlg pinjam telefon boleh x? aku nak pinjam msg kejap
me: sry dowhh..fon saya xde battery..dah kong dah
org gila: *says something to ask me to show him my hp to make sure its really kong*
maliq: *stupidly-dumbily-brainlessly pulled out his hp (nokia, which really is kong.not expensive Jet)
org gila: *takes the fon from my hands and starts examining the fon, trying to switch it on
maliq: *trying to convince him that the fon really is dead and asking him to return it
org gila: aku ade battery mcm ni. tukar battery ni jap
*insists on replacing my battery with his fon's battery.
KAU ADE PON TELEFON, KIMAKKKK! (well obviously the "i-want-to-borrow-your-fon-cuz-my-fon-is-missing story" is pure and utter crap, which i, unfortunately fell for.
maliq: *had to convince the guy that not all nokia phones use the same battery. wtf dah mcm org jual hp dah. kimak btol

then org gila guy stopped playing dumb and said "wei kalo aku nak samun ko, aku dah amik dah wallet ko, beg ko sume. ko ingat aku x bwk pisau? ko ingat aku xleh pukul ko kat sini?"

maliq: then abang nak ape? nak duit?

org gila: kalau ya, brape byk ko nk bg aku? rm50 bole?

mcm sial. nak negotiate plak. wtf!?!

then i said that i was a student laa, also didnt have money

dont remember what happened then. but i remember how it ended.

my fist connecting with his face!

kidding! duhh..

if we'd fought, i'd definitely lose

and hence, the multiple bruises on my face and body...
OUCH!!!!!!!

again, KIDDING! hahaha

this is how it really ended

i took my phone back from his hands. just like grabbed it and started walking away to the other side of the 7eleven.
while walking, i said "k bang, assalamualaikum". then he started talking again but didnt move yet.
then I said "ASSALAMUALAIKUM" loudly and with a tone of finality that ended our "conversation" and never looked back.

bile ingat balik how it ended, rase mcm Islamic gile cara2 mengelakkan diri anda daripada disamun. hahahah

i went inside a taxi 5meters away and said "pasar seni". the cab driver suggested i just walk there.
but i just went inside the cab explained to the cab driver what happened and locked the door.

heart racing, voice croaking, trembling, 70% to tearing. XD

had to use every ounce of control i had to keep calm

now, the problem with driving from masjid jamek to pasar seni is that you have to take the long way.
in other words, that "long way" cost me RM5!

*side note: i've never been in a taxicab since middle of last year cuz i think cabs overcharge like hell and i am, again, a cheapskate.cabs are for emergency purposes only. and i think this qualifies as an emergency*

just so u're clear. in wanting to save rm1.20 (LRT to pasar seni), i had to buy bread for rm0.60 (to get small change) and rm5 for taxi.
SO NOT WORTH IT!

its ironic, isnt it? how a shiny slimy Predator with sharp metal claws and cool laser guns at his face dont scare me...

..but a half-stoned late-20s' malay guy does.

trauma.trauma

better.

im not talking about my battle with the common cold/flu
but my overall well-being and state of mind

took me quite a long time to get over my drone-like/anti-social phase
but i'm glad i made it through unscathed

the sun seems to shine a little brighter (metaphorically speaking of course, cuz if it'd gotten any hotter, i'd die)
and everyone seemed to stop breathing down my neck

ahhh the power of positive-thinking!
what would i do without you!
=D


well at least i can take 1 good thing from the past month or so of being anti-social
SAVED ME A HECK LOT OF MONEY!



now that i'm all rainbows and sunshine again
expect me to get poorer(financially) by the day!
haha

sleep disorder

since i've started my practical, my sleep pattern's been a bitch(cant find any other suitable word..haha)

as u know, i work in 2 shifts:

- the morning shift - 0830 - 1630
- evening shift - 2030 - 0430

and we change shifts every week
this week, morning
next week, evening
the week after that, morning again

last week, i had the evening shift
i had no problem getting used to working at night
mainly because i am very much a "kutu malam", staying up late either to hang out with friends or play computer games or chatting up on ym

 so after work, i'd reach home at about 5am
then i'll wait till masok subuh, and then i'll sleep like the log i am
during the wait, i'd probably play computer games or watch a movie on my laptop
and i'd wake up in the late afternoon - 2 to 3pm

now the big fuking problem is, i cant seem to change my sleep pattern back to normal
its been a couple of days now that i sleep after subuh and wake up because its too hot to sleep
and if i do sleep early - yesterday i slept at 10pm cuz i was too freaking tired - i'd wake up after midnight and then i wont be able to sleep till AFTER subuh..

haihhzzz

its bad enough that ppl think i'm lazy as hell sleeping during the day all the time
now, its affecting my social life
i'm sorry i didnt wake up early today to hang out wit u
i just can seem to wake up before noon..

gahhhhh

KEJE

yessss, i am officially a "WORKING MAN"

hahaha ok fine. not really "working" per se'...
i am doing work and i am coming to the office early in the morning
however, the fact that i aint getting paid a cent doesnt make it count as working, does it?

anddd about calling myself a "man",
although i am qualified physically and "cukup syarat" (haha)
i have a maturity of a 12-year old. go figure



anywho,

i've started my OJT (on-job training) last monday (18 jan 2010)
went to MAS complex A. left the house at 6.50AM!!!
and reached subang around 7.30AM!!
(because we were told we had to arrive there before 8)
HATE driving to Subang - especially during peak times
went to subang using the ELITE highway - cost me rm5.20 ONE-FREAKING WAY!!

so, the 1st day of my OJT, didnt do anything other than sat on a chair in the MAS training theatrette listening to an extremely dull and boring briefing on "SAFETY AND HAZARDS AND THEIR RESPECTIVE LAWS AND CRAP"!!!

naturally, i slept. but couldnt get a proper position on the chairs
so i had a headache the whole day..gahhh

same thing on the 2nd day. BRIEFING. headache. gahhh

3rd day. at MAS subang. BRIEFING. new topic. gahhh








4th day. at MAS KLIA YAWWWWW!!!

unfortunately, still.

BRIEFING!!!!

but i really like it here at klia
no freaking jam.
no expensive food.
no TOLL!
newer hangar.
not crowded.
bigger space.
better environment.
=DDDDDDDD

at first, i was quite reluctant to leave MAS Subang
cuz i didnt know any of the ppl goin to klia
most of the ones i DO know (very few ppl) are staying at subang... =/
(thats wat u get for being a stuck-up unfriendly ass..ahaha)

however, i did manage to make a friend! a couple of friends, in fact!
(yesss, this is a very proud moment for me. tqvm!) =D
most of us are from the same batch. so we had like 5 semesters before this to know each other
but we didnt. haha

when we were told to divide ourselves into groups of 5,
my new-found friends and i even decided to group up.
unfortunately, when the OJT coordinator came, he gave us our new groups
and i got stuck with a guy whom i dont like very much(i have this thing where i hate ppl for no apparent/obvious reason. sorry in advance!)
but i'm willing to look past that and move on. haha

5th day.
another U GUESSED IT! -> BRIEFING.
zzzz
but it was a short briefing. n then we were sent to report to our supervisors at the hangar
we met the senior technician at line 6 in hangar 6 where they maintain BOEING 747s!!! =D
my 1st impression of him - he looks like a cowboy!
hahaha serious dowhh. die jenis yg relax and selamba gile. wearing jeans when ur not ever supposed to wear jeans at MAS.

he gave us a tour outside, inside and under the aircraft!! =D
we went from the cargo decks to the cockpit of the aircraft
the business class seats were awesome! haha
after the tour, he let us go for our break early!

and after the friday prayers, we did something other than listen to boring briefings!!
mr zul, the senior tech told us to follow this technician into the aircraft
and the technician then told us to peel the masking tape off the cabin floor! hahahahah
yeap u read it right! my first ever assignment during my OJT is peeling tape off the floor
but it was ok, the other technicians were making jokes and i get to watch the movie RV(that JoJo was in) on the tv screens in the airplane. hoho
after that, we didnt do anything but walked around the hangar observing ppl doing their work and occasionally talking to the staff there. hoho

will update more when i'm free.
weekdays are hectic for me
u know, since aku dah start KEJE!
=P

serial curser

i curse alot
like, very often
like, 24/7
like, i'm famous for it
like, the name Maliq is synonymous with cursing
like, it's true!



i think it's because i'm a quarter Malaccan
lol blame it on genetics..haha XD

you know how Malaccan people curse more than they normally talk?
well, I, for one, find it HILLARIOUS!

they curse when they're angry
e.g. - Pukimak lancau lahabau mana curik bantal busuk aku?!?!? (sampai keluar steam kat hidung dan telinga mcm bull)

they curse when they're sad
e.g. - Pukimak lancau lahabau btol, x sangke die btol2 dah meninggalkan kite selama2nye......

they curse when they're happy
e.g. - Pukimak lancau lahabau!! lame gile x jumpe ko dowhh! (sambil senyum pjg lebar dan bersalam salaman mesra)

*for full effect, imagine a Malaccan friend of yours saying these with the right intonation and facial expressions. =D

they curse so freaking much that you cant help but laugh out loud
laugh with them or at them, whatever works.
hehe



for me, personally, i think cursing is flat-out funny
of course, this is only applicable to friends whom we know dont mind the constant flow of profanities - and not unknown strangers or superiors at work or lecturers or the elderly.
NO. DUHHHHH


just because a person curses as much as he breathes, doesnt mean he's a dumb insensitive rude asshole
in actual fact, he's a funny dumb insensitive rude asshole
and i should know~~
hahahahah XD


really, if any of you have a problem with cursing
you should spend a weekend with my relatives at Kuala Selangor!
we might just convert you into a serial curser
hahaha

Sumpah kat sane kecoh habis mcm pasar mlm jual sayur di pagi hari
hehe

and the highlight of any day at kampung is actually when its midnight, when all the makciks are done with all the cooking and stuff
all the aunts (especially my mom, mak andak and acik) will gather in the living room with a cup of nescafe (or KEPE as we like to call it) in hand and talk about everything under the sun - regarding the family..hehe
if they're angry, its funny. if they're happy, its funnier. if they're sad, shut the hell up! hahaha

while the adults are deep in discussion, the lanun2 (my litle cousins) will be running around the house leaving a path of destruction and chaos (ok hiperbola gila..hahaha)

dalam tgh serious berckp psl isu2 terkini, kalo ade mane2 anak org yg terjatuh ke ape, mesti ade sorg makcik akan melatah benda yg bukan2
e.g. - budak jatuh. "ehh pant*t ko goyang!".

then the whole room will fall silent for a short second, before booming with laughter..ahahahaha XD

janji kene ade my mom, mak andak and acik (yakni the 3 org kuat of the family!), confirm seronok balik kampung! hehe


well, this is entirely my own personal opinion. and i'm talking about my own experiences
your view on cursing might totally differ from mine
but really, i honestly find cursing funny. and i suck at "menyindir" org lain
sooooo, cursing is my specialty. so to speak. hahaha XD



at least aku mencarut je byk
x kutuk org behind their backs

oh damn. tu pon aku bwat gak
ok bye! nk bertobat! XD

out of my mind

remember how i said this semester's gonna be busy as hell in my previous post?

well, apparently... i wasnt kidding?!?!?!

dammit, i've got
loooaaaaads of reports to submit
damn final-year project to do
all group works end up being me doing 70% of the job
lecturers giving out pop quizzes and exams so often that my head hurts
andddddddd i've got assignments coming out of my ass


assignments annoy me out of my mind
when i'm annoyed, i get stressed out of my mind
when i'm stressed, i'm infuriated out of my mind
when i'm infuriated, other ppl get hurt out of their minds



hell hath no fury than a guy out of his freaking damn mind

its not ur time yet

today, i went to hosp sg buloh
to visit a friend
not a very close friend
but as they say "a friend in need, is a friend indeed"
he is still, and will forever be, a friend
he is in a coma
after meeting in a car accident
seeing him on the bed
with tubes down his neck
sutures on his forehead
it really got to me
i was speechless
really, how do u react to that?

he's not gone yet
the fat lady has not yet sung
his life is in God's hands
and only He Himself can save him
all we can do is pray
and pray some more

its not ur time yet, Azwan Arif
so wake up
ur friends are waiting for u
ur family is waiting for u
ur mom is waiting for u
dont let her down




it makes u think
it makes u feel so vulnerable
so fragile

this life is definitely not our own
this life belongs solely to God himself
we are merely borrowing it for awhile
we are forever in His debt
and that is why we must do the things He commands us to do
and refrain ourselves from doing the things he forbids
this life on earth is short
the life hereafter is forever
*a reminder to us all




*1 more thing, acap is doing sort of a book/album for azwan
so if u have anything to say or any pics of him
do give them to acap!
thanx

for a reason

i have worked for it
and i will still work for it
i have struggled
and i have sweat

but i can only do so much
but still, i have to earn it



if it's going to happen, GREAT!

but if it doesnt,
then deal with it
move on

things happen for a reason

and just the same
things don't happen for a reason

we all play a tiny yet pivotal role in His plan

"everything's gonna be all right
be strong, believe"

all i have to do is dream

a wonderful thing, isn't it? our dreams
its the one place where its truly ours
where nobody can interfere
where everything is pure and simple
peaceful and serene
easy yet meaningful
where small actions mean so much more than those loud and blatant acts of supposed-love



however, all good things must come to an end
hold on to it as hard as u can
but to no avail
and so u wake up
where reality comes crashing down
but still, u have a smile on your face
and the memory of that wonderful time in your head

showtime

we are who we choose to be
the sky's the limit and the world's the stage
curtain's up, people
it's showtime

this is my pep talk to myself
in preparation for the final exams
which starts today (its 2am, Monday right now..my exam starts at 9am)

wait a minute, there is no preparation
i'm going in the exam hall blindfolded
oh shoot me, shoot me now